Here we go......

Every year at this time I get nervous about going back to school. Up until this year I have just been nervous for me and sad that I have to send the kids back to daycare. This year is different. I have to be nervous for me, Raegan and Colton. All three of us are taking on new roles.

My first baby, Raegan is heading to Kindergarten. She is excited. I am too, but wow, did those five years fly by. I know she will love school. She is getting so independent and loves to be around other kids. We aren't "good enough" any more. She is on to bigger and better things and it is exciting to watch her do this. However, it kind of tears you up watching it too. I caught Chris last night staring at her picture when she was 6 months old. He didn't say anything, but I could tell he was thinking the same things I am. So, tomorrow, I will take her to school to meet her teacher, drop off her supplies (all 5 boxes of requested crayons), and walk around the school, and then we will come home together. She only goes for an hour and starts full time on Wed. Chris will stay home to put Raegan on the bus Wed morning. I can't do it.

Colty is starting the Early Childhood program this year. His speech and language are delayed. I am so worried about him. I know it is for his own good. I feel like I am taking him out of his carefree, fun, little simple life and throwing him out into the world. We went to visit his classroom on Thursday. He did OK. At first he got all inhibited like he usually does when he gets shy. He starts to use a high squeaky voice and make little eye contact with new people. His sister acts the same way. Although she doesn't use the weird voice, which drives me nuts, she finally is starting to look at people and talk to them when they talk to her. So, why do I worry 10 times more about this kid. I worry that he will never progress like normal kids. It makes me sad to see all of my friends/co-workers kids that are the same age, talking up a storm and me interpreting for everybody what Colty says. I love this kids more than you can imagine. Maybe that is why I worry. When he was born he had a birthmark on his back. We had to have an MRI to make sure he didn't have a tethered spinal cord, he didn't. When he was five months old, he was diagnosed with Congenital Nystagamus. He wasn't going to develop vision like normal kids. Somehow this went away. The dr said that he has only seen this 4 times in his practice, but it happened with our son. He can see just fine and his eyes don't shake ever! But this, speech/language development issue is shaking me. He is the size of a 5 year old and talks more like a two year old. So, it is my hope that this year of school will trigger a language explosion. I can't wait...even if I have to cry tomorrow when I drop him off (after I put on the happy face and tell him he'll be fine while he screams and cries). It is for his own good..........right?

And Macy....She gets to spend three days a week in the arms of her grandmas and 2 days a week with my friend and her little girl. She will be fine. She is the one person in this family I am not worried about at all!

I am starting a new position at school. I am excited for the challenge and scared of the pressure. It was nice going in this year and not having to set up the classroom. It is nice to be able to go in at 11:30 the first day of school so I can get Raegan and Colton where they need to be. It is nice that if I am sick I won't have to go in at 5am and write sub plans. I am excited to focus on just literacy and not deal with FOSS, math, Social studies, recess, lunch and all of the other parts to being a classroom teacher. I will work with one kiddo at a time for 30 minutes. I service four kids a day. So I teach for 2 hours. Now, there is a lot of testing and paperwork with this job. I will be bringing a lot more home, but that is OK. I will be home by 11:30 each day. It is something that I will have to force myself to do. It will feel strange, but incredibly good.

Sorry for the non-uplifting post....Just needed to vent...